It’s not enough.

The list of things that I must acquire. If you have these things, I envy you, and I would like to have your things. Should you be interested in selling/trading them, or know where I can get ones of my very own,  I’m probably interested in buying/trading for them. Necessities will be added to the list as inspiration/obsession demands. Some are likely to be damned near unobtainable, but what the hell.

  • Straightjacket, ideally one that was used in a medical facility on real live crazy people
  • Leg bone/vertebra of some large dinosaur
  • Torture device from the Holy Inquisition. Those motherfuckers were *twisted*.
  • Hell, a torture device from anywhere.
  • A set of replica hominid/primate skulls traversing the lineage from  the dawn ape to modern man,  including proconsul, aegyptopithecus zeuxis, homo erectus, homo heidelbergensis, australopithecines, etc.
  • An authentic set of Kayan neck rings
  • piece of the Tagish Lake meteorite
  • A piece of the Moon. None of that retarded Lunar Registry shit either. A piece. In my hand.
  • A piece of any moon
  • articulated skeleton of some presumably small dinosaur. A replica would be fine.
  • fossilized dinosaur shit (technically known as a coprolite)
  • fossilized dinosaur egg
  • fossilized dinosaur
  • fossil in matrix of some complete animal.
  • fossil in matrix of a nifty crinoid.
  • fossilized pine cone (or whatever the equivalent was)
  • Two robotic dinosaurs that fight each other.
  • One of those monkey organ grinder organs. +100 points if a skeletal monkey is included. -100 points if a live monkey is included. Don’t get me wrong, I love monkeys, but what the fuck?
  • Old medical equipment, the older, the better. Also, the scarier, and more intimidating, the better.
  • shrunken head
  • Some sort of mutant animal preserved in a jar, freakshow style.
  • Something hilarious with an “image” of “Jesus” on it. Lets face it, you can’t get anything for that stuff on ebay anymore, that gag is all played out. That’s why I want it.
  • Scientology(tm/don’t sue me) E-meter. Mark V is ok if it works, but I’d really like a Mark VII or better. You know, “quality” and all.
  • Eye of Newt.
  • A complete set of the Scientology Green and/or Red volumes. You know, that big-ass administrative set.(I still need all the Red volumes, and Volumes 0 and 1 of the Green set.)
  • autographed picture of L. Ron Hubbard auditing a tomato.
  • autographed picture of L. Ron Hubbard doing pretty much anything.
  • Government propaganda stuff from decades past.
  • Something a spy actually used in the commission of a righteous spy.
  • personal letter from Charles Manson.
  • personal letter from anyone as batshit crazycakes as Charles Manson.
  • An autographed copy/manuscript of OJ’s “If I Did It”. I might have missed my chance on this one. 😦
  • One of John Wayne Gacy’s clown paintings
  • Some kind of fascinating nazi artifact. The more fucked up it is, the better. I don’t give a shit about dinnerware, I want an example of evil that I can hold in my hand, and freak people out with.  Alternatively, something nazi that’s utterly adorable, or innocent, like babies in nazi uniforms.  Bonus points for the actual baby.
  • Something  from the Khmer Rouge would be neat too.
  • Soviet memorabilia of a unique, or especially interesting nature
  • Something smuggled out of North Korea
  • Propaganda from North Korea
  • Something made in North Korea
  • Puppies! The list was starting to take a depressing turn there, everyone likes puppies. -100 points if it’s a skeletal puppy.
  • Quack medical devices that are awesome/hilarious. Bonus points if electricity is involved. Minus points if it’s stupid.
  • mammoth tusk
  • mammoth molar
  • mastodon molar (They’re different!)
  • mammoth, ideally pygmy
  • Old scientific equipment
  • real voodoo doll.
  • civil war era prosthetic limb.
  • Civil war field surgical equipment
  • sharpshooters bullet from the Civil War. The Whitworth, hexagonal one would be superfuckingcool.
  • A real bottle of snakeoil ‘medicine’ from the 1800s
  • A real bottle of laudanum from around the same period.
  • A bottle of Mommy’s Little Helper, or equivalent. This was the bottle of laudanum that was intended to be given to fussy children. Bonus if it has anything left in the bottle. No, I don’t want to drink it. I want to marvel at it, and freak people out with it.
  • ancient mummified animal
  • Roman Gladius
  • taxidermied moose
  • particle accelerator
  • yellow cake uranium (just kidding, DHS!) (a wee little bit like an ounce or so would be neat though.)
  • chunk of Uranium metal
  • Aluminum tubes for not building centrifuges
  • Death Ray
  • Something that went into space, and came back. Bonus points if re-entry was uncontrolled.
  • copy of Scientific American from 1969 that talks about the moon landing.
  • Wild Wacky Action Bike from the South Park “Chinpoko Mon” episode.
  • Surgical implants.  I want chins, noses, breasts, cheeks, asses, joint replacements, skull plates, everything.  If a surgeon will stuff it inside you for a fee, I want one, to stuff in a display.  It doesn’t necessarily have to have been previously in a person.
  • authentic Burqa from Afghanistan, Taliban style,  the black beekeeper.  The ultimate in modern oppressive women’s wear.
  • theramin
  • X-ray machine
  • Aerogel
  • a polygraph machine
  • a seismograph
  • a fancy geiger counter
  • a magnet so strong I’m afraid to keep it in the house.
  • a Jacob’s ladder
  • Buzz Aldrin’s autograph
  • something from the city of Pripyat, where Chernobyl went kablooey, Bonus points if it’s something like a radioactive kids toy.
  • Bigfoot
  • a $500, or $1000 bill
  • one of those washing machine sized hard disk drives from the 1970s that held like 5 or 10MB.
  • a robot that fetches cold beer on command.
  • a full standing suit of plate armor, ideally, posable.
  • a large bone from a whale
  • a chunk of baleen from a whale
  • a crazy old television that still works.
  • a chemistry set that doesn’t suck
  • a chunk of Sodium metal
  • a Red Rider BB gun to shoot my eye out with.
  • a secret room
  • a Segway that I can be too embarassed to ride.
  • a meteorite that I found myself
  • a fossil that I found myself
  • a war diary, the older the better
  • a mesopotamian clay tablet with writing
  • an example of horrifically bad taxidermy work
  • a decent oscilloscope

7 thoughts on “It’s not enough.

  1. Now I really wish my brother finds his misplaced cat fetus. I wished before just because it was cool to see his girlfriend’s face when she realized he REALLY DOES have a cat fetus in a vial and that it has a name but now I want to take a picture and send it to YOU. How cool is Felix the Feline Fetus?

    • Apparently you can get pickled fetii of all kinds of animals from taxidermists. I’ve got a soft spot for kittens, so I’d probably go for something like pigs, or bunnies, unless I can get me a mutant!

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